


Pets

by f0rever15elf



Series: 2020 December Writing Challenge [22]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Other, Pedro Pascal - Freeform, but we love him, soft Jack, very dumb jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29034969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f0rever15elf/pseuds/f0rever15elf
Summary: Jack wants to dress the pets up for a Christmas photo. You have your doubts of the success of this mission.
Relationships: Jack | Whiskey (Kingsman)/Reader, Jack | Whiskey (Kingsman)/You
Series: 2020 December Writing Challenge [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127273
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Pets

“This is the most outrageous idea you have ever had.”

“Now, now, darlin’. I think that might be a bit of a stretch.”

“No, Jack, I’m pretty sure I’m right on the mark.”

You stand next to Jack in the middle of the ranch house’s living room, arms crossed. He has the widest smile on his face as the both of you appraise the items in front of you.

Outfits.

So many little outfits, all festive and Christmasy. All outfits for the ranch animals. Every last one of them, from the horses in the stables all the way down to the chickens in the coop.

When you had agreed to “dress up the pets for the year’s Christmas photo,” you had thought he meant the dog and the cat. You know, like a normal person. And that was your mistake. Special Agent Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels is about as far from a normal person as any one individual can get, and while you were thinking of the dog and the cat, he was thinking of every damn animal on the ranch.

“How on Earth do you think we are going to manage to get every single animal on this ranch dressed in these ridiculous outfits?” You reach out for a little tie, holding it up to inspect it with an arched eyebrow.

“Well, with your help, of course!”

You throw him an unamused glance, setting the tie down in favor of picking up a much larger sweater-esque outfit that you assume is for the Shetland he had bought the year prior. Tinsel is her name, fitting for the season, all things considered. “Jack, you know the pigs just like to knock me down in the mud in their pen and I’m 100% convinced that the tiny dinosaurs you call chickens are just _waiting_ for their chance to eat me. And the last time I went to feed the horses, all three of them tried to eat my clothes.” You like the animals, you do, but you can’t help but feel that the emotion isn’t reciprocated.

“Naw, you know that ain’t true! The chickens love you, and the pigs just like to play. They knock me down all the time too!” He picks up an oversized onesie covered with Christmas trees. “Don’t you think Stella would look adorable in this?”

Stella. The pot bellied pig, and the newest addition to the Daniels ranch. With an exasperated sigh, you nod, setting the Shetland’s sweater down. “It _is_ pretty cute, I’ll admit.” The beaming smile on Jack’s face at your reply is almost worth the hours of torture you know you’re about to endure to make his outrageous dream come true.

“Now, all we need is a game plan to get all the critters done up to take our photo!” You’ll humor him, you decide, letting him come up with whatever scheme he can for handling this, and you’ll go along with it. Maybe if you get knocked into the mud enough, you can get him to pamper you a little more than normal tonight. Plus, he’ll enjoy it, and it’s so hard for you to say no to anything that puts that sunshine smile on his face. “So here’s the plan.”

~~~~

“This is the most outrageous idea I have ever had.”

“Wow, those words certainly sound familiar,” you snark back as you sit, covered in mud and hay, on the porch swing. It’s been hours. You’ve had your blouse eaten by your own Palomino while trying to get a hat on her. You’ve been knocked on your ass _and_ on your face by the pigs, one of whom tried to take your shoe. One of the many chickens took a dive at your face in what you are sure was an attempt to gouge out your eye. And the icing on the cake was when Tinsel knocked you on your ass in her pen, right into a pile of poo that hadn’t been cleaned up yet.

To be fair though, Jack hadn’t fared much better, covered in equal amounts of mud. Truthfully, he resembles a baby chicken, covered head to toe in straw and feathers from trying to wrangle all the feathery demons in the coop after the one that took a dive at you drove you from the coop.

Jack takes a seat beside you with a huff, sitting in silence for a bit before looking over at you. When you catch his eyes, you can’t help it, erupting into giggles at the sight of him. He’s right there with you, busting at the seams at the sight of you.

“I-I can’t believe w-we spent hours doing this,” you cackle, Jack nodding along with that beautiful smile, the skin around his eyes crinkling with mirth.

“T-The pigs _ate_ their clothes!” He snorts, doubling over as he laughs.

“A-and Missy s-stole your hat!” What a little rascal that paint horse had been, running laps around the corral as Jack chased her to get his Stetson back, all while you watched on with tears in your eyes from laughing. “And now y-you look like a chicken!” You’re cackling now, snorting right along with Jack as you can barely breathe from laughing so hard.

It’s relieving, relaxing even, to be laughing like this with the man you love over something like this. Something so utterly ridiculous that had been doomed from the start. Times like this remind you just why it is that you love him.

When you both finally calm down to the point of being able to breathe and talk again, you reach over and take his hand. “Well, Mr. Daniels, I think you and I could certainly use a bath after this endeavor.” He grins, squeezing your hand with a nod before standing to his feet.

“Darlin’, I think that’s a phenomenal idea.”

“I have them from time to time. I have another idea also!”

“And what might that be, sugar?” He grins as he pulls you to your feet, leading you inside.

“The next time you say we should dress the pets up for the Christmas photo, we limit it to the dog and cat.”

“And Tinsel?” He looks at you with those warm, chocolate brown eyes that you always manage to get lost in, and once again you’re unable to say no.

“…Okay, and Tinsel. But that’s it.”

His smile is positively radiant when he smiles at you, and the mud smeared across your face is no deterrent to the kiss he presses against your cheek. When he pulls back, there’s a matching smile on your own face as you turn to look up at him. “Oh, and I expect you to finally give me that massage you’ve been promising me tonight after we get cleaned up.”

“For you darlin’, absolutely anything.”


End file.
